What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
