I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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