fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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