you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
