so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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