There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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