1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
