you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
