when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
