she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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