Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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