I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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