Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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