Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize