Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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