she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
