is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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