john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
