May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
