Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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