I puked a lego.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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