I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
