I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
