I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
