Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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