he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
