clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
