this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
