i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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