I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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