You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
