will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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