don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize