you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
