I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
