If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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