I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
