so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize