If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
