No awkward lesbian experiences without me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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