"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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