Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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