I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
