I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
