I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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