this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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