I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
