Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
