took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
