I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
