I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
