Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
