dude i'm inner monologue high
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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