How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
