would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
