im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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