she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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