Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
