I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
