i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
