Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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