I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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